Mudslide

I have a really bad habit of pushing away from God when I am at my worst. Whenever I sin, I always feel like I just rolled around in a big mud puddle and don't want to stain God's nice clean white carpets by entering His presence. And even when I hose off in the backyard first (repentance), I always feel like I've still got some mud on my shoes that I might track in. I figure I should walk around a little bit first, let the mud dry, then track through the grass a few times to try to brush any remaining dirt off... and then MAYBE I'll be okay to hang out with God again. Of course, then I'll look all funny because I was muddy, then drenched, then sun-dried... maybe I should just wait it out for a while longer until I feel like I'm really good to go. Y'know? Unless I trip in another mud puddle before then...

Do you ever get this way with God? When, even after repenting of sin, you still feel like a scumbag and try to avoid His gentle presence so you don't somehow taint His reputation? That's my go-to MO, and you may have noticed that I've posted on this MULTIPLE times already. It never really seems to sink in, though - or rather, it'll sink in for about a week, and then it falls out of the back of my brain somewhere. I found this passage interesting though, and I think you should take a look...

(God talking:) "'Because of the iniquity of his unjust gain I was angry, I struck him; I hid my face and was angry, but he went on backsliding in the way of his own heart. I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will lead him and restore comfort to him and his mourners, creating the fruit of the lips. Peace, peace, to the far and to the near,' says the Lord, 'and I will heal him.' (Isaiah 57:17-19, ESV)"

Look at that one glorious phrase right there in the middle... "I have seen his ways, but I will heal him." Despite the iniquity and backsliding mentioned in the beginning of the passage, God relents from his anger and "restores comfort", bringing peace and healing. What a relief to those who are backsliding! Despite our faults and failures, He still loves us and desires to restore us. I really have no words of wisdom for this post... just the image of a pure, perfect God shaking His head at a mud-covered lil' rapscallion and bear hugging the heck out him or her despite the filth. I don't understand it, so stop listening to me and just go read that passage again...

"'Because of the iniquity of his unjust gain I was angry, I struck him; I hid my face and was angry, but he went on backsliding in the way of his own heart. I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will lead him and restore comfort to him and his mourners, creating the fruit of the lips. Peace, peace, to the far and to the near,' says the Lord, 'and I will heal him.' (Isaiah 57:17-19, ESV)"

Be at peace.