Trust fall!

I can't remember exactly when I first encountered the concept of the "trust fall", but the first time I ever actively experienced one was during my school's "Physics Phun Day" at Magic Mountain. Our bus pulled into the Six Flags parking lot, we all got out and divided ourselves into groups for the day as instructed; but before we were allowed to enter the park, they told each group to form a circle with one person in the middle. And thus the trust falls began. The middle person crossed his arms over his chest and fell backward toward whomever was behind him in the circle, and they caught his fall and returned him to his feet. Here's an illustrative photo in case you're not familiar with the concept:

Everyone in the circle had to be in the middle at some point, so I did get my turn in there... but you wanna know a secret? Shh... don't tell my high school ASB leaders. Or that youth group I went to winter camp with one time. Or my student ministry team at college. My dirty little secret is... I have NEVER actually completed a trust fall. Ever. Oh sure, I get in the middle of the circle, cross my arms over my chest, and my body tilts back toward the ground... but I have a really good sense of balance. As long as my feet are firmly planted, I can lean back pretty far without ever actually falling. And as tight as most trust fall circles are, that means I never actually have to trust anyone or fall to look like I've done the deed. Why is it that I don't let go and fall back like everyone else? I'll tell you why - because my worst fear is falling. I can have all of the confidence in the world in the people surrounding me, I can have total assurance and knowledge that there is no way they would ever drop me or let me fall, but when I even consider actually falling (even just for the second it takes to reach their hands), my body freaks out. All my muscles tense, my breathing gets a little faster, my heart rate speeds up, my stomach clenches... basically all of the bad feelings at once. My mind is completely convinced that nothing bad will happen to me, but my body doesn't agree. So I put an apprehensive expression on my face like the others had, secretly plant my feet, and tip myself back until I reach their hands. Yay! Trust fall completed! Ha... ha... yeah. *shifty eyes*

Within my teams, faking a trust fall isn't that big of a deal. I mean, my leaders would probably be a bit put out if they knew I wasn't all in, but it doesn't actually affect my performance within the group. I can still trust everyone fully without having fallen on them. But with God it's a bit of a different story. I've been rereading Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and the one thing the author keeps pointing back to is the way that God requires ALL of our trust, devotion, resources, etc. in order for us to fully display His glory, and for Him to fully bless us in return. So often though, I play the trust fall game with God. "I know You want me to give of my finances, so here's my ten percent - see, I'm tithing! That takes trust, right?" Or "I know You want me to love people, so I'll be nice to them and treat them well; because real love means I could get hurt, but this looks enough like love to satisfy You, right?" Or even "I know You're calling me to this ministry after I graduate college, but just in case that doesn't work out, I'm gonna figure out what else I could do if that falls through. It doesn't hurt to have a backup plan, right?" But in Hebrews 11:6, the author insists, "And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." I know I fail utterly at the whole faith thing the majority of the time, and I'm sure many of you do too. My desire for this year is to become more dependent of God, and that means putting more faith in Him, and allowing Him to lead me wherever He wants me to go. Even if it ends up being someplace scary. And that means taking the trust fall seriously. Let's fall for God in action as we have fallen for Him in our hearts. Ready... set... TRUST FALL! 

Don't Open - Dead Inside

If any of you recognized the title of this post, it's pretty safe to say that you've already become at least partially involved in the "zombie culture" as a member of the Walking Dead fanbase. I don't know exactly how or when, but our culture has quickly become obsessed with the idea of fighting the undead, post-apocalyptic survival, and heroic humanity prevailing in the midst of inhuman danger. From the popularity of the television show "The Walking Dead", to movies like "Warm Bodies", "World War Z", "Zombieland", "I Am Legend", etc., to popular zombie fiction, to the rise of survival guides (UCI even offered a free zombie apocalypse survival course online last semester), it is clear that zombies are becoming a trend to be reckoned with. I must admit that I, too, have become a part of the system - yes, I am a Walking Dead fan, I took a couple modules of that UCI course (before my real school became too demanding for me to continue), I love a good zombie movie, and I have even begun calling my daily workouts "Zombie Apocalypse Preparation Sessions" (or ZAPS) for motivational purposes. For those of you who are fellow zombie apocalypse fans, I'm sure you understand my addiction. To those of you who will have nothing to do with zombies, however, stay with me... there is an important application here! I'm not just bringing it up for the fun of it (although it is fun, haha). ;) The reason I mention this recent trend is to inform you that (speaking to Christ followers here), WE ARE ALL ZOMBIE SLAYERS. How awesome is that?!? Okay, before I get too excited here, let me explain so that you can be excited too. :) 

The concept was first introduced to me by Fred, my incredible philosophy professor, and it goes a little something like this: "Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. (Romans 6:3-4, ESV)" So the "old man", or the sinners we were before Jesus, is technically considered to be "dead". This is confirmed a few verses down... "So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. (Romans 6:11, ESV)" The old part of us is dead, and the "new man", or who we are after being raised in Christ, is alive! The problem comes into play when the old man tries to rise up again. That which is dead tries to get up and start walking again - tries to take control of your life. But through the power of God, we must put to death the old man and live in the newness of life which Christ offers! What does this look like exactly? The following passage explains this concept perfectly...

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. (Colossians 3:1-10, ESV) [emphasis added]

See? We're zombie slayers. So. Much. Awesome. If you embrace the ritualistic preparation for your future (and, fortunately, fictional) days of "zombie slaying" like I do, let's get just as amped to slay the actual, literal zombie in our lives - our old, sinful selves! When temptation comes your way, don't think of how nice it would be to give in to it just this once, or to just indulge a little bit before backing off... start thinking, IT'S A ZOMBIE! KILL IT!!! And then do so. :) That is my exhortation for the day, brothers and sisters. Don't get bit. Destroy them walkers. And have an awesome zombie-slaying day! 

ALWAYS

Remember at the end of my last post how I mentioned that, looking back on my DNotS, and looking forward from there, I realized that God's love would never change and that He would always be there for me? As soon as that happened, I started to realize a similar theme in some of my favorite fictional love stories (or love shipping, in the case of Lily/Snape). I noticed the same word popping up in all of their most tender moments...

(click to enlarge)

Prince Charming, Westley, and Severus Snape all say that one word with such passionate love that I (and I'm sure other girls everywhere) just want to melt into a little puddle of gratified tears. It's moments like those in which the hero proves to his heroine without a shadow of a doubt that NOTHING in the universe could stop him from being with her, even if it could only be in spirit. And nothing could ever keep him from loving her with ALL of his heart and soul, no matter what circumstance lay between them. Snow White and Prince Charming had no idea who they were when the evil queen cursed them - but no matter what, he ALWAYS found her. Buttercup thought that Westley was dead upon multiple occasions - but despite the distance between them (and even being mostly dead that one time), he ALWAYS came for her. Lily died before she and Severus could be reconciled - but even after her death, he ALWAYS loved her. That one word draws out the deepest longing in all of our hearts... to be loved eternally, unconditionally, fully. Sometimes it seems like an impossible dream, that none of us could ever deserve or obtain that level of love; or if even if we did find that love for a moment, surely that powerful of love would eventually fade away and become commonplace affinity in the end. Yet we so often forget that not only can that type of "always" love be attained... we already ARE loved like that! And not by a fallible and mortal hero (no matter how handsome, they all do something stupid or die eventually), but by the infallible, immortal, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent creator, sustainer, and lord of the entire universe. WOW. In fact, despite all of our failings and shortcomings, "[i]n all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:37-39, ESV) 

That sounds like a pretty unstoppable love right there. And to think that it is meant for you and me! "For God so loved the world"... amazing. And just in case you doubt that God ever said that special phrase which I have so doted on in the above geekdom, check out the last words of Jesus' Great Commission...

"And behold, I am with you ALWAYS, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20b, ESV)

All through the night...

Wow, it has been a LONG time since I posted! So sorry, friends! I honestly have no real reason for not posting for the last two months... although, from mid-November to late December, I was going through what one of my professors likes to call a "Dark Night of the Soul". I'm gonna explain what that means in just a minute - it's not pretty, and it's not something I'm proud of, but I hope you find it useful. Also, coming through it (and being such a nerd) led me to realize some pretty cool stuff that I'm gonna share in a later post. :) First though, I'd like to thank those of you who have stuck with me even through my long absence and are continuing to read my nonsense! Hopefully in the next few months I'll be able to post more frequently. As always, to God be the glory for whatever comes out of me that reaches out to any of you.

So, the Dark Night of the Soul (DNotS) is something that many Christians will go through at some point in their lives, possibly even multiple times. It's a place of apathy, despair, anger, or (insert overwhelming negative emotion here) that keeps a person from sensing God's presence, and may even cause them to question or turn from their faith. For me, a combination of stress from school and work, a strained relationship with one of my dearest friends, and an apprehension of the life-sucking doldrums that most people call "winter break" drove me to a place where I was constantly doing instead of being (despite my previous post), constantly exhausted, and constantly trying to rely on my own strength for everything. And the stupid thing is, the more I realized that I couldn't do it myself, the more I pushed God away to try to prove that I could. And thus began my DNotS. I ended up becoming a recluse as finals approached, both because I had so much to finish and because I knew I was way past my emotional limits and would end up spewing my issues onto my friends if I let them near me. Thanks to a few of my very dearest friends and a couple of late-night interventions, I was not allowed to become an absolute hermit. However, I was in a place of spiritual hermitage... and I'm not talking about the Delectable Mountains here (that's a Pilgrim's Progress reference, for those who don't know). It even got to a point in which I wanted to turn to God, but felt too far away to even consider calling out to Him. There was a period when I even questioned why I was a Christian to begin with. Thankfully, the story doesn't end there! God, who is always faithful, brought me out of the DNotS and allowed me to see that He is never far away, that He will always take us back, and that no doubt or repulsion from us can keep Him away when we need Him. It wasn't an easy journey, and although He lifted me up out of the pit of darkness, it wasn't an instant flip back into the light. It has been a long, slow process in which God constantly and quietly reminds me of His presence and His love while I strive to follow Him and remind myself that He is worth following - worth everything, in fact. So if you're in the middle of your own DNotS, press into God, and even though you may not sense Him or hear Him at first, know that He has not forgotten or abandoned you. And He will save you, if you continue to pursue Him through this time.

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8, ESV)"

When I was in the midst of my DNotS, it felt like I was all alone. Looking back though, I can see that He was with me through every moment, just waiting for me to turn to Him, softly calling out my name. When I first returned, I was uneasy. My heart wondered (despite everything my mind knows to be true) if His love for me had lessened because I "failed" Him... "but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8, ESV)" If He loved us before we chose Him in the first place, why would He love us any less when we come to a place where we have to make a conscious choice to choose Him again? (Note: I'm talking about choosing a godly lifestyle here, not salvation. That I believe only needs to be chosen once.) Plus, think about this - He is omniscient. He already knew what you were going to do before you did it. If He already knew you were going to fail Him, but loved you like crazy in the past, why should that change at all after the actual failing part happens? (Psst... the answer is, it doesn't.) In addition, some wise speaker I once heard (or read) said, to paraphrase, "How can you let down someone you weren't holding up to begin with?" God is completely self-sufficient. His success, happiness, etc. is not dependent on or influenced by our triumphs or shortcomings. Although He hurts for us when we are hurting and desires strongly to draw us back into His arms, our failure is not debilitating or angering to Him.

In conclusion, keep on keeping on. "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. (James 4:8a, ESV)" And if you are in the middle of a DNotS, take heart. This too shall pass. God's love shall not.