Trust fall!

I can't remember exactly when I first encountered the concept of the "trust fall", but the first time I ever actively experienced one was during my school's "Physics Phun Day" at Magic Mountain. Our bus pulled into the Six Flags parking lot, we all got out and divided ourselves into groups for the day as instructed; but before we were allowed to enter the park, they told each group to form a circle with one person in the middle. And thus the trust falls began. The middle person crossed his arms over his chest and fell backward toward whomever was behind him in the circle, and they caught his fall and returned him to his feet. Here's an illustrative photo in case you're not familiar with the concept:

Everyone in the circle had to be in the middle at some point, so I did get my turn in there... but you wanna know a secret? Shh... don't tell my high school ASB leaders. Or that youth group I went to winter camp with one time. Or my student ministry team at college. My dirty little secret is... I have NEVER actually completed a trust fall. Ever. Oh sure, I get in the middle of the circle, cross my arms over my chest, and my body tilts back toward the ground... but I have a really good sense of balance. As long as my feet are firmly planted, I can lean back pretty far without ever actually falling. And as tight as most trust fall circles are, that means I never actually have to trust anyone or fall to look like I've done the deed. Why is it that I don't let go and fall back like everyone else? I'll tell you why - because my worst fear is falling. I can have all of the confidence in the world in the people surrounding me, I can have total assurance and knowledge that there is no way they would ever drop me or let me fall, but when I even consider actually falling (even just for the second it takes to reach their hands), my body freaks out. All my muscles tense, my breathing gets a little faster, my heart rate speeds up, my stomach clenches... basically all of the bad feelings at once. My mind is completely convinced that nothing bad will happen to me, but my body doesn't agree. So I put an apprehensive expression on my face like the others had, secretly plant my feet, and tip myself back until I reach their hands. Yay! Trust fall completed! Ha... ha... yeah. *shifty eyes*

Within my teams, faking a trust fall isn't that big of a deal. I mean, my leaders would probably be a bit put out if they knew I wasn't all in, but it doesn't actually affect my performance within the group. I can still trust everyone fully without having fallen on them. But with God it's a bit of a different story. I've been rereading Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and the one thing the author keeps pointing back to is the way that God requires ALL of our trust, devotion, resources, etc. in order for us to fully display His glory, and for Him to fully bless us in return. So often though, I play the trust fall game with God. "I know You want me to give of my finances, so here's my ten percent - see, I'm tithing! That takes trust, right?" Or "I know You want me to love people, so I'll be nice to them and treat them well; because real love means I could get hurt, but this looks enough like love to satisfy You, right?" Or even "I know You're calling me to this ministry after I graduate college, but just in case that doesn't work out, I'm gonna figure out what else I could do if that falls through. It doesn't hurt to have a backup plan, right?" But in Hebrews 11:6, the author insists, "And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." I know I fail utterly at the whole faith thing the majority of the time, and I'm sure many of you do too. My desire for this year is to become more dependent of God, and that means putting more faith in Him, and allowing Him to lead me wherever He wants me to go. Even if it ends up being someplace scary. And that means taking the trust fall seriously. Let's fall for God in action as we have fallen for Him in our hearts. Ready... set... TRUST FALL!