1 Corinthians 13:4 is an extremely popular verse, and thousands of children in Sunday school have memorized it over the years... as a child I too droned quickly through the verse so as not to forget anything before I finished reciting it to my teachers. "Loveispatientloveiskind,itdoesnotenvyorboast,*gasp*..." I'm sure you can imagine it. It's been a long time since I took a longer look at the verse, but today I read it again on a dear friend's blog sidebar, and the first part of the verse jumped out to me as never before... "LOVE IS PATIENT". I've been called a patient person by several of my friends (although my mother would probably beg to differ), and I've always tried to stay calm and pleasant even when I wanted to rush full speed ahead and "sound my barbaric yawp". This verse, however, targets one area of of patience I've always had a hard time with... love. I'm a very emotionally driven girl when it comes to other people. I have a tendency to pour my heart out to those I trust, whether through words or actions, and sometimes I give a larger piece of my heart to a person than I intend to. This past week and a half of devotions has taught me that I shouldn't be giving out my heart at all; rather, I should be giving out GOD'S heart, and giving my own to Him alone. As a former homeschooler who is almost 22 years old and has never been on a single date, it's difficult sometimes (as ridiculous as it sounds) to trust that God will take care of my heart better than any friend or boy (or boyfriend) ever could, and simply be still and WAIT for Him to lead the perfect man to the waiting heart in His hands. So many times I want to run up to God and snatch my heart back so that I can give it to the person I deem most fit to hold it - how silly, when the only person truly fit to hold it is Him.
This may sound a little weird, but I had a really crazy dream last night - my first ever "wedding dream". Only, unlike the dreams of beautiful, exciting weddings that I've heard my friends speak of, mine was different - darker. I dreamed that I was proposed to by a man I was attracted to, but who really wasn't the right one for me. Out of frustration with my single state and a despairing doubt that God would ever bring me a man, I accepted. The wedding was quick and heartless, and afterward I was struck by an immense sense of loss and guilt - a sudden realization that I was now tied to this man for the entire rest of life, and that God had wanted me to marry another man - one whom He was already bringing into my life, and who would have been an exact and perfect match for me. Envision my relief when I woke to find that I wasn't married to anyone, I had no ties, and I hadn't just ruined my entire future! Whew! I don't put much stock in dreams in general, but this one felt so different from all the others... so real. I feel like God was giving me a warning and a lesson. Don't forsake His will out of a lack of patience; even if it takes far longer to do things His way, that way is perfect, and I cannot choose a better one for myself. Also, stop fighting the wait. The feeling of entrapment that I experienced in the dream once I realized I was suddenly bound to my husband's goals and desires and plans was a terrifying and enlightening wake-up call. Even though it's hard to be the third wheel - or, more often, the lone wheel - as a young adult, being single is a gift, and I so often forget to treat it like one. I'm not saying that marriage is a bad thing at all - don't get me wrong, I do look forward to being joined to my husband's life! But I learned last night how wholly unprepared I am for that at the present moment. I still have a lot of growing - and just as importantly, a lot of serving - to do before I am ready. This all leads back to the poignant first phrase of 1 Cor. 13:4... Love is patient.
Lord, let my love be patient, not rushing ahead of Your will to pour itself upon another. Let me serve you in the interim without the wandering tug of a needy heart. This is my desire - to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength; then to love my neighbor as myself. Give me the strength to place my heart fully in Your hands - and to leave it there, not taking it back for any reason whatsoever. I submit my heart to You. Let my love be patient.
I find myself in this same place. Love is patient... it waits for the right time, the right situation, the calling. I have questioned my desire for another person in my life the same way you said. We need to constantly remember who is faithful, who will keep our heart regardless of where we are, what we are doing, or how much we mess up. God gets our hearts first. Then He will lead the right person into our lives to compliment what He has taught us and is pouring out to us constantly. It is a hard thing to do and I think it is seldom accomplished in relationships but worth the dedication.
ReplyDeleteJoshua
Amen. :) Well stated.
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