Sleight of hand...

Since finishing Dannah Gresh's Get Lost devotional challenge, I'm moved on to another great book: Sailing Between the Stars by Stephen James. My awesome sister gave it to me for Christmas, but I hadn't started reading it until a few days ago. First of all let me just say, McDonald's slogan. Right here. About this book. Secondly, today's chapter made an interesting point about the paradox of love...

"[T]he people with the emptiest lives are those who give of themselves the least, while those with the fullest lives are the ones who are always giving themselves away. Seeing this strange aspect of love helps me understand how Jesus is able to love each of us with perfect, unfailing love.
God gives all of himself, offers the complete package of his love, to each of us and so receives, in the act of giving, even more love to extend. And then the giving begins again. Perfect love given and received, unending sacrifice. Unfailing love."

Let's just take a moment to ponder that... no matter how much love God gives to us, He still has that same amount of love for us pouring out. It's a neverending waterfall a google times deeper and wider than Angel Falls. How amazing is that? This cycle of giving love and receiving it multiplied reminded me of something else though... love isn't the only thing that cycles when placed in the hands of God. As C.S. Lewis said in his incredible novel The Screwtape Letters (which was written from the perspective of a demon and therefore refers to God as "The Enemy"):

"For we must never forget what is the most repellent and inexplicable trait in our Enemy; He really loves the hairless bipeds He has created and always gives back to them with His right hand what He has taken away with His left."

This is so true... and so crazy. I have a tendency to try to do things independently; I'm not a huge fan of group projects, and "acts of service" is the love language that speaks least to me. Often though, this means striving for things that I can't accomplish on my own, or reaching for things that I'm not yet ready for. It's a struggle for me to "let go and let God". Yet I've found that every time I do give something up to Him, He takes care of it. Like Lewis said, He always gives back with His right hand what He takes away with His left. For example, when I was fundraising for my first mission trip (in fact, pretty much for every trip since then too), I did everything I could to raise support, then freaked out when I didn't have the amount I needed. Not in a big way, just in my own thoughts and emotions... "Oh no! I'm $500 short! What am I going to do? What CAN I do? Should I send out more letters or something? Can I take out a loan from my parents? How do I fix this?" That's a short glimpse of my internal dialogue. I always came to a point, though, where I realized that the trip was NOT about me, it was about God; about doing the work that He had for us. And if He wanted me to go serve Him, He would make it happen. Once I placed the responsibility on His shoulders, the money came in; that first time, even with a little extra to spare! He waited for me to give up my fundraising worries, and then He brought in the funds. That's not the only example I have either; I was feeling neglected and abandoned a few weeks ago. I was struggling with my need for people and the tendency to put my desire for the approval of others over my desire for communion with God. I finally surrendered my need for people's approval to Him and began to focus solely on what He thinks of me and how I respond to Him - and what did He do? That very same week He rekindled an abandoned friendship, and now this dear friend talks to me every day, encourages me, sends me scripture, prays for me, etc. Once I put my relationship with God first, He sent one of the most meaningful human relationships I've had into my life.

Now, I'm not by any means telling you this as some sort of magic formula... "If you want something, give up your desire to God and He'll supply you with the real deal!" No way. God's answer to surrendered hopes isn't always "here ya go!". Often it's "be patient, you're not ready for this yet", or "no - I have a better idea". (Case in point - I'm still a single lady, haha!) My point is, don't be afraid to give up your dreams to God. So often I think we fear that if we surrender to God, He'll take away everything we like to do and make us go sit in the dirt of a foreign country next to a leprous half-naked person who smells like fresh sewage and tell them that He loves them. And who knows, maybe that is His plan for you (mostly likely not, but you never know)... but whatever He has prepared for you to do, it will be the greatest joy you could ever imagine! Surrendering to God may not get you the material things you desire, but it will ALWAYS provide you with an outpouring of peace, love, joy, and *insert the rest of the fruits of the Spirit here*. Don't be afraid to let God take your dreams. He will give you His reality in return - and that's better than anything we could ever ask for.